Dick cheney evolutionary cycle

Larval ("Human") Phase:

In this stage the cheney's external carapace is strikingly human-like, and it will attempt to use its considerable powers of mimicry to pass itself off as a human being.  It must be careful to shield its internal systems from investigation, however, since its body is actually composed entirely of a combination of cesium, concentrated evil collected in a bolus within the chest cavity, and a malleable semi-organic compound known as floama.  The larval cheney will seek positions of power in order to fulfill its primary evolutionary imperative of maximizing human suffering.

Pupal Phase:

In the pupal stage the cheney's floama begins to coagulate, causing decomposition of the human-like carapace and therefore substantially heightening the risk of detection.  Adults who have become acclimated to the cheney in the larval phase may not notice the decay of its outer layer; however, it must be careful to avoid dogs and small children.  If its quest for power has been successful, it will use this power to attempt to shield itself from further inspection.

As notable as the physical degradation in this phase is the ethical corruption, which accelerates greatly as the bolus of concentrated evil reacts with the cesium and begins to disperse, slowly permeating the organism.  The extreme and clearly non-human level of malice exhibited by the pupal cheney may arouse suspicion, but it will generally be able to continue to evade detection long enough to complete its metamorphosis.  Eventually the floama will achieve full realignment and the evil will dissolve the now-vestigial outer carapace, leaving...

Adult Phase:

...the fully mature, adult cheney.  No longer constrained by its pre-adult need to operate invisibly within human society, and virtually indestructible due to its fully-hardened floama superstructure, the cheney is now free to openly indulge its preferred diet of human young.

NB: This discussion has focused on the dick cheney; cheneys grown from other harvested body parts such as the lung or elbow may exhibit slight variations in morphology (e.g. in the corona capitis of the adult phase).

Comments

[atheist]

This is great, but it would be better if the adult phase cheney looked like the creatures in "They Live". Damn that was a creepy fricking movie.

[Save the Oocytes]

I found this through Jonathan Schwarz's A Tiny Revolution. It's pretty excellent; thanks for writing it. I've been reading through your 2004 entries for about two hours now. It seems you don't get many commenters (commentators?), which is probably a good thing, but it makes me think that this blog isn't much read, which I believe is not. For what it's worth, you have a new regular reader now.

[John Caruso]

Save the Oocytes: It's worth a lot--I'm glad to have you reading. And I really enjoy hearing reactions, so please do comment when the urge strikes you.

By the way, if you liked this posting you may also want to check out my homage to Jerry Falwell (The Homosexual Steamroller).

atheist: I'd say "They Live" is one of the most subversively progressive/lefty movies out there. I've loved it every one of the 5 or so times I've seen it. But I also loved this little show in its time....

[def]

Funny! ...er, disturbing... ummmm- shit, scary! :((

[Damocles]

Shaim on yew!!
Worship ar godley rulerZ!!
heh.