You won't be surprised to learn that this bit of news has been generating much hilarity across the web:
Iranian intelligence operatives recently detained over a dozen squirrels found within the nation's borders, claiming the rodents were serving as spies for Western powers determined to undermine the Islamic Republic.
"In recent weeks, intelligence operatives have arrested 14 squirrels within Iran's borders," state-sponsored news agency IRNA reported. "The squirrels were carrying spy gear of foreign agencies, and were stopped before they could act, thanks to the alertness of our intelligence services."
Squirrels? Ha ha ha ha! Those paranoid Iranians and their zany conspiracy theories! How laughably unconvincing their ham-handed propaganda sounds to our sophisticated Western ears!
If you poke around on this topic, though, you'll find that the dastardly Iranians have apparently been at this game for years--planting similar stories in the Western media in order to pave the way for their crowning glory, the secret spy squirrels. Here's a bit of balderdash from 2003 written by the "Associated Press" and published in some obscure conspiracy rag known as "USA Today":
When the CIA's secret gadget-makers invented a listening device for the Asian jungles, they disguised it so the enemy wouldn't be tempted to pick it up and examine it: The device looked like tiger droppings. ...
The guise worked. Who would touch such a thing? The fist-sized, brown transmitter detected troop movements along the trails during fighting in Vietnam, a quiet success for a little-known group of researchers inside the world's premier intelligence agency. ...
Besides the jungle transmitter, the exhibits include a robotic catfish, a remote-controlled dragonfly and a camera strapped to the chests of pigeons and released over enemy targets in the 1970s. The secret gadgets currently used by CIA are left to the imagination of visitors.
The pigeons' missions remain classified, made possible only after the CIA secretly developed a camera weighing only as much as a few coins.
And here's yet more poppycock from 2005 from an outfit with the improbable name of "CBS News":
Dolphins and sea lions are currently serving in the Persian Gulf where they help protect coalition forces. Theirs is the longest combat mission in the history of this special unit. ...
"Dolphins, with their echo-location capability to be able to look long-distance under water, and sea lions, with their great eyesight — five times better than yours and mine — so they can see in dark, turbulent waters," Marine Mammal Program director Michael Rothe says.
Tiger turd microphones, robotic fish, remote-controlled dragonflies, videographer pigeons, and military cetaceans? Come on, Iran, can't you invent something more convincing than that? Even setting aside the ludicrous subject matter, though, it's the little errors that expose these articles for the frauds they are--like the superfluous "e" at the end of "Roth". Nice try, Iran, but next time you might want to run your flimsy stories through spell check before you plant them.
My favorite part is the bit about "the secret gadets currently used by CIA are left to the imagination of visitors." You have to give the Iranians credit for thinking ahead on that one; you can practically see the intelligence agent who whipped it up willing his readers to imagine a squirrel carrying a walkie-talkie and binoculars, years before the fact. But unfortunately for these foreign devils, Western audiences are far too sophisticated to be taken in by such transparent propaganda.
Hmm ... the Iranians probably got this from my 2003 novel, The Pixel Eye ...
Posted by: PaulLev | Sunday, July 22, 2007 at 11:06 PM
Nice try, but we can see through your charade. It's obvious that you were colluding with Iranian intelligence in 2003 to set the stage for the squirrel story as well. Go back and tell your paymasters that the game's up.
Posted by: John Caruso | Monday, July 23, 2007 at 07:57 AM