The Homosexual Steamroller

Mark Morford commemorated Jerry Falwell’s passing with a list of quotes from the man himself, and this one struck me full force:

"Someone must not be afraid to say, ‘moral perversion is wrong.’ If we do not act now, homosexuals will ‘own’ America! If you and I do not speak up now, this homosexual steamroller will literally crush all decent men, women, and children who get in its way … and our nation will pay a terrible price!"

Note carefully that Falwell tells us that this is not just a metaphor.  He’s warning us that this demonic gay steamroller will literally squash all good men, women, and children in the United States pancake-flat, until they’re no thicker than a page of the Bible.  This Jesus-hating (yet ironically man-loving) piece of construction equipment will show the righteous no mercy as it flattens them into life-sized gingerbread people beneath its brightly decorated roller.

Literally.

Maybe you think I’m joking about this.  Well, you’re wrong.  Falwell may have said some spectacularly ignorant and hateful things in his life, but this time he was dead on.  The homosexual steamroller truly exists.  I know.

Because I’ve seen it.

Yes, that’s right, I’ve seen it for myself.  It’s no metaphor; it’s ten perverted tons of decency-smooshing steel. And I have no doubt that just as Falwell said, unless we can stop it, it will crush the life out of every last upstanding heterosexual in the United States who refuses to go gay.  Disguising your true leanings won’t fool it–you can wear tight T-shirts that show off your sculpted abs and listen to dance music all day as you admire your Judy Garland poster collection, but it won’t help.  Unless you genuinely embrace same-sex love, YOU TOO will end up as a wafer-thin victim of this out and proud leviathan.

Don’t believe me?  See for yourself:

(Keep going…)

(Almost there…)

Thank you, Jerry Falwell, for opening people’s eyes to this awful menace.